jeudi 13 janvier 2011

Being Kind---NOT

Okay this concept of being kind has come up in a few conversations of late and it has gotten under my skin enough that it is time to write about it. A friend asked " Doesn't being spiritual mean being kind and compassionate to others?" This was a double whammy question first for assuming that "being spiritual" somehow means different or separate from others as though there are spiritual beings and non-spiritual beings. That is like saying there are people who breathe and people who don't. Sorry. Not. If you aren't breathing you are either dead or not a human. If you are alive you are spiritual. Period.

The second offense is this idea of being kind or compassionate to others. (Another friend embellished on this concept by throwing in the modification of being of "service" to others.) Blckk, yukk, choke. The sticking point here is the "others" aspect. Being kind and compassionate to yourself gets two thumbs ups. Go for it. Do it everyday, every moment. Doing something for others implies a self-importance of enormous proportions. The very idea that you know what is "best," "kind" or "compassionate" for someone else implies that you don't respect how he is living his life and somehow this person needs your assistance to "be better" which basically means living his life according to your beliefs and definitions.

A very smart friend said "i like doing what's best for you." thinking she got around this particular offense. Unfortunately she didn't. How can she possibly know what's best for me? Did she really like doing what's best for me or did she like doing what's best for her disguised as doing something for others? And if so doesn't that complicate life? In this particular incident i didn't respond and she began outlining all of the possibilities to solve a delivery dilemma, times, dates, locations. In the space of a minute or two there was a plethora of possibilities and frankly i had no preferences. The monologue continued another four or five minutes weighing the pluses and minuses of each option and finally she realized what was best for her, y viola, a decision was made. Done. How much easier it would have been for her to say what was best for her, which would have allowed me to say what was best for me and then we could have seen if they overlapped and if not how to get it done. Life becomes very complicated when you aren't honest with yourself. The clearer you are with yourself the easier life is. A complicated life or situation is a good indication that you are asleep.

Being compassionate or kind to others is a good excuse not to be true to ourselves. We look to the needs of others instead of looking at our own needs. We focus our energy on figuring out someone else instead of ourselves. It is this distraction of looking elsewhere, instead of inside that keeps you asleep...that is if you want to wake up. If not be kind to others, look for your soul mate, make other people happy.