It's worse than i thought. Beware. It's everywhere. This morning on my way to work i was innocently listening to an alternative rock radio station when another bomb went off. Every pop love song is another ego-based trick calling you to look away. Every "she left me," "I'll find another," "I'll get her back when I change" is just another cheap trick to keep you looking outside yourself for "The Answer." Every message outside yourself that says you need to be something different, you need to change, you'll be happy when ....(fill in the blank "your way") is a lie, a scam, a device designed to keep the ego alive. Don't believe those voices, don't believe your own thoughts. Be skeptical. Examine every idea, every belief.
A few nights ago during this holiday season i saw the last twenty minutes of a Hallmark special. The fallen-but-about-to-be-redeemed heroine is at the airport, pleading with the gate agent, "Please you must let me through. Finding him may be my only chance at happiness." (Him being the obvious soul mate though the She didn't realize it until it was almost too late..duh...pause for dramatic effect.) Gate agent pages said soul mate who bursts through the gate when he "feels" his soul mate searching for him. You guessed it. Happily ever after. Puke. Vomit. Throw up now. Don't believe the message that your soul mate is outside of you. This is the trick of the ego to get you to continue looking outside yourself. You will NEVER find him/her because he/she doesn't exist. And this is not necessarily bad news. Be patient.
What is a poor human to do? Question. Question everything. The answers are not that important. The questions are crucial. The ego hates questions. Questions turn the spot light inward. Don't take for granted a single thought you have. Question the meaning of every word. In the above example of our heroine, what does "finding" mean? Who is "him"? What is "only," "chance," and especially "happiness." And if you accidentally come up with an answer, question each word in the answer. Don't just assume you know what you mean. The ego is counting on these assumptions. Where is the falseness in your reasoning? It is there. Search for it.
What you know as reality is actually a giant distraction created by collective egos to ensure their survival. If you look carefully, you will see the subtle (and some not so subtle) messages that there is something wrong with you, that something needs to be fixed, that you will be happy when something outside you falls into place. Every one of these messages are designed to distract you from looking at the true source of dissatisfaction, dis-ease, unhappiness...the mind. The bad news is that you create your dissatisfaction, dis-ease, unhappiness...major bummer. Good news this same you has the power to create whatever you want and i'm not talking about fame, riches, size zero bodies for the females and 10 inch lingams for the males and all the things that pseudo-spiritual, new-age proselytizers promise. I'm talking about a harmony and deep satisfaction with the perfection of Life as it is. It is there. I promise.
lundi 27 décembre 2010
vendredi 17 décembre 2010
Warning Romantic Love Is A Scam
Warning. This is heretical. If you believe in romantic love, or want to believe in romantic love or hope romantic love exists, stop. Do not read further. Protect your false beliefs.
Guess what? Romantic love does not exist. Not in Reality. I'm not talking about what you may think is reality. I'm talking about Reality. Not the place that seems real, just like a dream seems real while you are dreaming, and all of the supporting information in that dream state that says romantic love exists, novels, love stories, ads with happy couples, self help books to find the perfect soul mate, Valentine's day. Oh my god, it is a HUGE scam. It is the ego's greatest invention to distract you from waking up, from seeing what is real. "Look for this" the ego says thereby misdirecting your attention. And how many follow this misdirection, millions, probably billions of humanoids. And for how long? Think about it your own life and be kind to yourself, round down.
As a collective society how much time do we put into attracting the right mate, holding on to the right mate, fixing ourselves so that right mate stays and in the end being duly disappointed even if there is a 50 year relationship? We never quite get from our perfect mate (if we are lucky enough to find him or her) exactly what we need. This is the scam. No matter how "right" you do it it will never be enough because it doesn't exist. You will never get from someone else what you need because there is no someone else, there is only you.
But before you hightail it to the nearest cliff (in case you read this despite the warnings) there is a good piece of news. Love does exist. It is possible to have deep meaningful relationships with others. In fact when the illusion of romantic love is busted for the scam that it is something quite beautiful and profound takes its place. It is the difference between nausea inducing romantic love and awe inspiring agape love. And yes, sex still exists.
Guess what? Romantic love does not exist. Not in Reality. I'm not talking about what you may think is reality. I'm talking about Reality. Not the place that seems real, just like a dream seems real while you are dreaming, and all of the supporting information in that dream state that says romantic love exists, novels, love stories, ads with happy couples, self help books to find the perfect soul mate, Valentine's day. Oh my god, it is a HUGE scam. It is the ego's greatest invention to distract you from waking up, from seeing what is real. "Look for this" the ego says thereby misdirecting your attention. And how many follow this misdirection, millions, probably billions of humanoids. And for how long? Think about it your own life and be kind to yourself, round down.
As a collective society how much time do we put into attracting the right mate, holding on to the right mate, fixing ourselves so that right mate stays and in the end being duly disappointed even if there is a 50 year relationship? We never quite get from our perfect mate (if we are lucky enough to find him or her) exactly what we need. This is the scam. No matter how "right" you do it it will never be enough because it doesn't exist. You will never get from someone else what you need because there is no someone else, there is only you.
But before you hightail it to the nearest cliff (in case you read this despite the warnings) there is a good piece of news. Love does exist. It is possible to have deep meaningful relationships with others. In fact when the illusion of romantic love is busted for the scam that it is something quite beautiful and profound takes its place. It is the difference between nausea inducing romantic love and awe inspiring agape love. And yes, sex still exists.
mercredi 15 décembre 2010
Laughing at mistakes
In great poetic detail, I explained my experience running in Forest Park to my french friend. He wrote back that he has glad that i had such an inspiring run but perhaps i enjoyed the "odeurs" (smells) of the forest instead of the "ordures" (garbage) of the forest. He laughed on one end and i have been laughing for two days about my "mistake" and that has made me think of the joy of making mistakes.
What a comedy of errors occurs when we make a genuine mistake and how much fun it is to laugh at the miscommunication. Communication with others via the word, even under the most ideal circumstances, is an imperfect art. And to take that further and realize the communication within ourselves is also never accurate. Words are place holders. They define the edges. They make the boxes. How can you not laugh when the mind says that something is wrong, or that you need to be fixed or one of my personal favorites, that life should somehow be different than it is.
Words at best are a means to love and at worst a means to cast black magic on ourselves or others. Be wary of words. Know that you are something beyond words. Words allow us to watch ourselves on the stage of our little human life. And one of the best ways to disable the power of words is to laugh because it is only the seriousness, the believing that they are true that makes words rule.
What a comedy of errors occurs when we make a genuine mistake and how much fun it is to laugh at the miscommunication. Communication with others via the word, even under the most ideal circumstances, is an imperfect art. And to take that further and realize the communication within ourselves is also never accurate. Words are place holders. They define the edges. They make the boxes. How can you not laugh when the mind says that something is wrong, or that you need to be fixed or one of my personal favorites, that life should somehow be different than it is.
Words at best are a means to love and at worst a means to cast black magic on ourselves or others. Be wary of words. Know that you are something beyond words. Words allow us to watch ourselves on the stage of our little human life. And one of the best ways to disable the power of words is to laugh because it is only the seriousness, the believing that they are true that makes words rule.
dimanche 5 décembre 2010
No Shortage of Opportunities to Love
Riding on the train, the man across the aisle leaned over and asked, "why are you so happy?" Why was i so happy? How could i explain it to this man in my halting french. I told him it was love. "Oh you must be in love with someone?" "No, not love of somebody or something, just love." He gave me a puzzled look and then had an Aha moment. He said,
"Are you careful with your heart? Do you keep it protected?"
"No, not at all" i replied.
I explained as carefully as i could love was not something to be protected or hoarded or hidden away. Love was something to be shared and given away. My teacher, don Miguel Ruiz, told me many years ago that what makes us feel so good feeling the love pour out of us. Only our simple minds put conditions and restrictions on love. Love knows no boundaries. And a few days later i awoke to this in an email from Miguel:
Be generous with your love. You are never going to be alone if you are
generous with your love. What makes you happy is love coming out of you,
and if you are generous with your love, everyone is going to love you.
The fear to love only comes from the mind that tells us its not safe or we are going to get hurt. But did you ever ask who hurts you...really? Not him or her or them. The "person" that hurts us is the little voice in our head that says we did something wrong, we shouldn't have loved. It puts conditions on love and what is supposed to look like, i.e. what you are supposed to get from loving, the bargaining aspect of love if you will. But if you listen closely to that voice what it is really saying you might hear something like this,
"thank god you loved, because now i can tell you that it didn't turn out right and furthermore i can make you miserable and in your misery you will listen to me even more carefully to avoid the pain that i will promise that you will avoid if you listen to me but i really won't deliver on because whenever you do something from love, which is your nature, so you are guaranteed to slip up from time to time and love, i will punish you for not listening to me and doing what is in your nature and that punishment will cause you to listen to me even more carefully so that you won't get hurt and the result is i'm very happy and you're not." Aie, aie , aie.
One of the reasons i like being here in Paris is because i allow myself to love as much as i possibly can. Life has been incredibly generous with me and i show my appreciation by loving without expectation. It seems ironic to me that the more you love without wanting or expecting anything in return the more love you receive. And my loving is not limited to people. I say i love you to the trees, to the snow, to my very sharp knife and even to the omnipresent doggie caca on the sidewalks---and i promise you there are no shortage of opportunities to love.
"Are you careful with your heart? Do you keep it protected?"
"No, not at all" i replied.
I explained as carefully as i could love was not something to be protected or hoarded or hidden away. Love was something to be shared and given away. My teacher, don Miguel Ruiz, told me many years ago that what makes us feel so good feeling the love pour out of us. Only our simple minds put conditions and restrictions on love. Love knows no boundaries. And a few days later i awoke to this in an email from Miguel:
Be generous with your love. You are never going to be alone if you are
generous with your love. What makes you happy is love coming out of you,
and if you are generous with your love, everyone is going to love you.
The fear to love only comes from the mind that tells us its not safe or we are going to get hurt. But did you ever ask who hurts you...really? Not him or her or them. The "person" that hurts us is the little voice in our head that says we did something wrong, we shouldn't have loved. It puts conditions on love and what is supposed to look like, i.e. what you are supposed to get from loving, the bargaining aspect of love if you will. But if you listen closely to that voice what it is really saying you might hear something like this,
"thank god you loved, because now i can tell you that it didn't turn out right and furthermore i can make you miserable and in your misery you will listen to me even more carefully to avoid the pain that i will promise that you will avoid if you listen to me but i really won't deliver on because whenever you do something from love, which is your nature, so you are guaranteed to slip up from time to time and love, i will punish you for not listening to me and doing what is in your nature and that punishment will cause you to listen to me even more carefully so that you won't get hurt and the result is i'm very happy and you're not." Aie, aie , aie.
One of the reasons i like being here in Paris is because i allow myself to love as much as i possibly can. Life has been incredibly generous with me and i show my appreciation by loving without expectation. It seems ironic to me that the more you love without wanting or expecting anything in return the more love you receive. And my loving is not limited to people. I say i love you to the trees, to the snow, to my very sharp knife and even to the omnipresent doggie caca on the sidewalks---and i promise you there are no shortage of opportunities to love.
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