The Silence behind the Noise

I found myself in an apartment full of French people getting ready for dinner. I had been graciously invited to join the dinner party by the host who was a friend of a friend. I entered the apartment dressed in my fanciest dress, wearing cute shoes (that i had put on just moments before going into the building having walked miles in my pumas to get there.) The wine was free flowing, appetizers served and i struck up an conversation with an actor which proved to be a good choice. His elocution was superb. He spoke slowly and paused for theatrical effect (which allowed me to catch up with the conversation...merci mon Dieu) and i felt like a rock star as i followed the conversation, made appropriate comments, asked questions and generally had a complete conversation. And then we sat down to dinner.

The hosts had conceived the guest list with careful precision: a commedienne (tres connu--famous) along with the actor, two high-end interior architects, a musician who wrote scores for films, his wife the judge (and also the host) and a Polish woman who just enjoyed life or so i was told. With this cast of characters, the dinner conversation was lively, convivial and changing faster than the cars navigating the Etoile (the famous round-about known to test the most harden driver's nerves). I could barely follow a thing and by the time the main course arrived and two glasses of wine had been drunk. Well let's just say the French just turned into gobble-di-gook.

I looked around the table and became acutely aware of how each person was interacting with each other and the group. I began to notice a non-verbal conversation that was nearly as loud as the oral one. The joy and pleasure i received in becoming aware of this non-verbal communication was immense. The next day i began to reflect on that evening.

When we understand a language, our attention gets hooked by certain words and often by habit we have automatic responses. Furthermore we often have a need to voice our opinions or prove ourselves right. But when you take away the words, the automatic hooks, you are left with a pure communication, a heart to heart connection so to speak. I believe that one of the main reasons we "talk" is so that we can connect with others. It is so interesting to see this connection without words, that is to connect in the silence behind the words. That silence is ever present and sometimes words rather than facilitating the connection in silence distract us from fully feeling the deep connection between us all. But once you are aware of that silence it is difficult not to go there because it just feels really, really good. Connecting in silence with others and ultimately with ourselves is a delicious treat. Really, the best dessert.